Brat Out Of Control
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Haven't Posted In Awhile Because ...........
It's been some time since I have posted and it's due to alot of reasons right now. I am stressed beyond belief and just haven't had enough spanking to help relieve any of it. Time has been a factor lately and even on weekends when there is time I am just not in the mood to be hit by anyone. My emotional state right now is NOT good :( I have actually thought about therapy but just can't afford it right now therefore I try to deal with it in the best way I know how. I cry alot .....every single night after work in fact and for awhile I thought "Well it's good therapy to just cry it out" but deep down I know that this is not normal behavior. I think I am depressed and I just don't know how to deal with it.
I try to confide in MG but there are times that I feel he just doesn't get it or understand me. I know he means well but being insensitive towards me at times when I just need him to say "Baby I am here for you" and just give me a hug but instead he is insensitive towards my needs and I feel rejected therefore I shut down and don't let him in because if I let him in then I might get hurt. There is just alot of stress ....stress at work , stress at home, stress in our D/s relationship..............just TO MUCH STRESS!
I don't feel submissive at all ....haven't felt that way for a while now and it eats away at me a whole lot. MG is not used to being in a full-time D/s or DD relationship so it makes it all the harder. I "brat" to just get his attention and sometimes when that does not work I will go further and just do something totally ridiculous ....it's a vicious cycle and I really hate it. I need more control and I have told him this and he says ok he will fix it and it NEVER gets fixed so yeah it's frustrating as hell to deal with. I still blame myself for it ALL too. It's always in the back of my mind that if I were thin with a nice figure then it would all go away ......that everything would be different with our D/s relationship and sexual relationship too. It's ALWAYS in the back of my mind especially when something isn't going right in our relationship. So as you can see I have not posted in awhile because I am just under alot of tremendous stress in all directions of my life. Ok this vent is now over!
Labels: depression, not enough spanking to relieve stress, problems, stress
posted by Michelle at 4:20 PM
1 Comments:
I know how you feel. You are not alone.
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