Brat Out Of Control

I am so sick and tired of being treated as if I have "leparsy" in the D/s world. I feel like I am the one being punished for my ex-husband's sins. I hate him for making me this way! I hate me for allowing him to do this to me.

And MG does NOT make it any easier on me :( I am so sick of him treating me as if something were wrong with me and I feel like I can never be good enough for him or for anyone at this point. If I want to play "hard" then something is wrong with me, if I want "soap" then something is wrong with me, if I want "humiliation" then something is wrong with me, if I want "bondage" then something is wrong withme. I just want to SCREAM!!!

It's like living with fucking Patrick all over again and it's driving me NUTS !!!!!!!! The one thing I have asked of MG is if he plays with others ...FINE ....but don't treat me unequal of that person BUT I don't think he is CAPABLE of treating me equal!! If he is going to play hard with others then I EXPECT THE SAME , if he is going to role play then I EXPECT THE SAME, if he is going to do bondage then I EXPECT THE SAME, if he is going to use soaping, cornertime, writing lines then I EXPECT THE SAME........HOW HARD IS THIS FUCKING SHIT??????? I mean REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I am not drop dead gorgoues, I know I am not thin, I know I am not 21 as the ones he plays with but if I am the one he LOVES then why in the FUCK would he NOT TREAT ME THE SAME AS HE WOULD ANOTHER? I am just soooooooooooo ANGRY and HURT right now that I can't even think straight!!! I am getting away tonight ....going to a friend's house so I can talk to her ....she is a Domme that I trust and have played with in the past and I just need some woman to woman advice and some very much needed hard play as well ......I just need these tensions released cause I am physically, mentally , and emotionally tired of it ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!