Brat Out Of Control
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving!!
I know that I haven't been around much but it's because of work , family, and just being busy and no time for the computer! Any ways I just wanted to tell all my spanko friends to have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!
Thanksgiving always makes me reflect all the many blessings in my life and even when I think that I don't have any I always can find one or two. There are many things that I don't have but I have tried to reflect on what I do have!
I can't complain because I have a great family who loves me and is there for me, I have a great boyfriend who I know loves me even when I am difficult or a challenge ;) I have a great job that I truly love and I have a few good friends! So I can't complain :) What are you thankful for?? Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!
Labels: being thankful, blessings, Happy Thanksgiving
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Venting My Frustrations Out!!!!!!!!!!
Heck spanking is always on my mind and honestly I sometimes wonder what in the world is wrong with me :( I don't want to say that I am not "normal" but one has to wonder when all I seem to do is think about the next spanking or think about how can I "brat" to get the next spanking.
I had a good friend suggest that I just am not happy in my spanking relationship and this is the reason why it's on my mind so much. I must admit that I am not completley happy in the spanking relationship I am in but I love him and one has to wonder if you really love a person are you able to give up certain things because of that love? He does spank me but alot is missing and I guess I just get to feeling neglected and before I know it I am so angry at him that I can't help but be a brat. I hate it :(
I know it's not normal that I start to cry when I go on to other's spanking blogs and hear about how wonderful and perfect thier spanking relationship is. I know it's not normal to fantasize about getting spanked by MG and then tears are rolling down my face at the end of that fantasy. I know it's not normal to be so angry towards him at times where I just want to scream. He wants me to change and I am having a very hard time with that. I know it's not normal that I cry every single day during the week between the hours of 1:00 P.M.-3:00 P.M. (my lunch break) I know it's not normal to cry after work either and I know it's not normal to have tears rolling down my face as I even write this entry!! NONE OF IT IS NORMAL!!!
I really try to fight it off and just be happy but something always comes up to where I feel so hurt and I just can't help getting angry, frustrated, sad, or mad. I have come to a realization that MG just does not want to "play" in the manner that I would like to and he has flat out told me I will not "play" with anyone else like that either so what do I do? Be unhappy for the rest of my life? He says we will work on it and then nothing else is said again that is until I start to have a bratting attack or a crying attack!! I have blamed several things on the lack of spanking relationship we have and the one thing I can't or won't give up is spanking ....it's not even up for discussion!! I have given up alot to be in this relationship so there is no hell in way I am giving up spanking!! I love him but I won't give up spanking for ANYONE!!!
You know how it is before you fall in love with someone , how you fantasize about how things will be when your married and how you think that it's going to be FANTASTIC and then you get married and you all of a sudden realize that it's not the bed of roses you thought it would be? Well that is how I feel in this relationship right now :( I knew there would be some problems in our relationship because of our sizeable age difference but I didn't think there would be issues with the spanking part of it but boy was I wrong! When things go wrong for me I automatically blame myself and that is how I am feeling lateley. I sometimes wonder if I was a size 2 would it be different? Yes I know it would be!! What really bothers me is he has this friend in Michigan (we will call her ...hmmm...let's call her "Witch"...and that is being nice) who he has known for years and has played with for years as well and it just really irks me to think that he would "spank" her the way she wants yet I am his girlfriend and he says NO!!!!!!!!! It literally pisses me off and it's hard to piss me off!!! I don't like "Witch" and he knows it , in fact I have told him to get rid of the friendship but who knows if he will. If he doesn't then I know how much I mean to him and that is how I feel about that!!
This woman has had the nerve to show up on my computer screen just to start trouble but of course she tells him "NO" she didn't and I say "YES" she did but yet he believes the "Witch" over me which really hurts me a whole lot and I am still dealing with that but some days I don't deal with it as well as others I can tell you that. I used to use food as my "comfort" but because I want to lose this weight so badly I havent' been sabatoging that for the past 11 weeks and that is a record for me and I am steadily losing weight so that is one thing that makes me happy. Oh I find other ways to hurt myself though but I won't go to much into that because MG reads this and the last thing I need is him preaching at me with his mouth instead of with a paddle!! The only thing I can say is I love him but I HATE our spanking relationship!!!!!!!!!