Brat Out Of Control
Friday, October 24, 2008
Random Thoughts/ Past memories
I recently had an online "spanking" friend of mine ask me what are my fantasies? You know I could not answer him and it's simply because I have none. I used to have plenty of them when I was younger but what happens when one has fullfilled all his/her fantasies? Or is that even possible?
I can't even think of sex or sexual fantasies without getting upset so I just don't think about it because there is just no reason to at this point in my life. Growing up my mother made sure to let me know that sex was a bad thing and only for married couples. Then I had my dad who was sexually abusing me so with all those mixed messages no wonder I have had failed relationships. I am surprised I even enjoyed sex or sexual fantasies as a young adult.
There was only one guy in my life at that time where I felt comfortable with him and he made me feel like a person with feelings. He was my best friend from child hood through high school and when he died a piece of me went with him :( It's hard to describe how he made me feel because I have never felt it again , but he made me feel "special" and he believed in me. I miss him :(
I just feel like there is nothing good that has come out of my life and I sometimes wonder why I didn't die in that car accident along side Michael. Why did God want me here and not him? Why did God take away my best friend at that time in my life? I have lost so much in my life and I just feel like God is punishing me. I am tired of being on the losing team!!
Labels: fantasies, past memories, rambled thoughts, Sex
Friday, October 10, 2008
Capsacin Spankings
I almost forgot "Capsacin" spankings until a spanking friend of mine emailed me with some questions about them. It has been a very long while since I have had the pleasure of a "Capsacin" spanking but I do remember it well. IMO I feel that the spanker applying Capcasin should know what he/she is doing because the stuff burns like HELL and I am not kidding. It truly does intensify a spanking and the spankee would definanlty feel it.
I have never had a spanking with Capsacin for erotic purposes so I am not sure how that would feel but in my mind I can't imagine that anyone would feel "pleasure" from that type of pain although it's not impossible I am sure. For me personally I would not enjoy it for erotic purposes and the only thing it would help me with is to change my behavior and quick. I have had a total of 4 spankings dealing with Capsacin and they were all for punishment purposes. I have had it before , during, and after a spanking and for me it was the worst when I had it applied before a spanking because it really heats up your bottom during a spanking with it on.
I have a VERY high pain tolerance and it's very hard to get me to tears during any type of spanking whether it be a paddle, switch, strap or cane but with Capsacin I came to tears pretty darn quick. I HATE crying during a spanking especially if I think that the spanking is unjust but with this stuff on your butt it's hard NOT to cry! After a normal spanking is over the sting goes away pretty quickly but NOT with Capsacin. You feel the burn for hours and nothing you do seems to get it off so you are pretty much forced to endure the stinging until it subsides. Overall I think that "Capsacin" would work on any BRAT who decided to be a BRAT ;) It definantly works on this BRAT and all who know me knows I can be a true BRAT when I want to be :)
So those are my thoughts on "Capsacin" spankings for all who emailed me with questions about it.
Labels: Capsacin spankings
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Bad day turns into VERY BAD night :(
I just had a bad day today :( Nothing went right and now I am feeling really down and out. There are so many things right now that are NOT right in my life and spanking is one of them. I just feel like I don't get enough attention and when I bring that to MG's attention he acts as if I am being selfish so I don't say a word anymore and just keep it inside and I guess that is why about every three to four days I start acting out .....like a BRAT :(
My spanking needs are not being met nor are my emotional needs and I just feel crappy inside. Life is just not supposed to be this way or is it? For me it seems that way. I try to just deal with what is going on and pretend that I am ok and for a while it works until it catches up with me and I start resenting things. I just want to crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep ....Goodnight!!
Labels: bad day, bratting, depressed, down, spanking needs