Brat Out Of Control

Today has been a depressing day for me and honestly I sometimes wonder why I can be happy one minute and sad the next. My mind has been on my past alot and how things once were with me. I have mixed feelings on how my life used to be. I am happy with MG now and I love him dearly but there are things that I do miss and I wonder if I am wrong in thinking this way but I don't think I am. My past is part of me and it will always be there and I had good times and bad although the bad outweighed the good most of the time. I don't miss my ex-husband at all although I do miss a very special person that was in my life then. He was there for me when I was going through "hell" at the time and even though we have our differences I can't say I blame him for leaving :(

At that time in my life he made my life bearable and he made me happy! We had alot of problems but for the most part I remember happy memories. I miss the way he looked at me , I miss the way he touched me, I miss the way he made me laugh, I miss the way he could just look through me and know what I was thinking, I miss the way he made me feel physically and emotionally! For years I have hated him for leaving and hurting me in that way but I now can look back on the situation and understand why! There was so much I had to give up because of the way he left and at that time I was soooooo selfish and undeserving of his love but he did try and I was the one who wouldn't give anything yet he gave everything!

Now I need closure to it all and that is something I am not sure if I will ever get :(