Brat Out Of Control

What I feel I need from MG in a D/s relationship? This is the question that was posed to me by my therapist. It is a deep question for me....just a place I did not want to go before. But I really gave it a thought and came up with the following!

1. I need ACCOUNTABILITY
2. I need CONSEQUENCES to rules broken
3. I need to feel LOVED and ACCEPTED by him.
4. I need for him to UNDERSTAND my feelings...to VALIDATE my feelings.
5. I need for him to LISTEN when I just need to vent.

To me these are all very important and a very important part of any D/s relationship!

Labels: D/s relationships, Spanking Related

I have decided to change the name of my blog for two reasons:

Reason # 1 - because the title says it all, I have carried the nickname "brat" for as long as I can remember and it fits me very well! Hey it's hard work being a BRAT lol.

Reason # 2 - The relationship I am in right now with MG is very difficult to maintain right now because of the 1109 mile distance and you can kind of say that I have been a "Brat Out Of Control" due to it. Do I resent us being so far away from each other? Hell yeah I do and sometimes I take it out on him ...is it right? Nope but it's how I am feeling! And who's fault is it anyways when thier brat is out of control? Hmmmm ...a point to ponder!

Labels: D/s relationships

Sleep is not something I am going to get tonite so I thought I would post an entry! I was thinking about my D/s relationship with MG (I will call him MG which stands for "my guy" to protect his identitiy) MG and I met online seven years ago and at first we just chatted and considered each other a friend but as we talked we both realized we had alot in common and we started developing feelings for each other. Now I always told myself I would never get involved with anyone online or get involved with anyone long distance but what your heart says and mind say are two different things. We are now in a committed relationship with each other but from an 1100 hundred mile distance and it's starting to take it's toll on both of us. At first MG came down to Houston to see me about every four months starting in March 2005 but the last we saw each other was March 2006 and that is due to alot of financial circumstances on both our parts.

Our D/s relationship is rocky and that is due to mostly some things I have been through in a past relationship and it makes it hard for him to spank me or discipline me....of course I get resentful of this and thus the cycle begins. All I want is accountability from him and discipline spankings if needed from him but all I get is "pity" , "him feeling sorry for me" and it bothers me a whole lot. I love this man very much so I want to make it work but there are some days where I wonder if we are going to make it and that makes me sad that I even think that way :( I know I have my problems and I can admit up to those but I also know that he has a hard time admitting certain things to me in this relationship and that bothers me a whole lot! He is the best thing that has ever happened to my life yet I feel the most miserable :(

Labels: D/s relationships

Emotional pain that is deep
Emotional pain that causes lack of sleep
Emotional pain that I have to let go
Because this emotional pain is taking a toll.

Emotional pain please go away
but it invites itself to stay
Emotional pain don't hurt me anymore
but it stays and explores.

Emotional pain is here
I can see it in the mirror
I need peace in my life
but instead I still have this strife.

Labels: Poetry

I had a spanking good time earlier tonite! I think for the very first time in a long time I actually felt at peace with myself after this play time with someone very dear to me. We played for three hours and it was very satisfying to me and I actually got to release alot of guilt and stress as well through the discipline session that I recieved. This person will NOT play hard with me but that's ok, it has to be ok and I have to accept that and I do! All I want is to feel loved and accepted but I know that I first have to love and accept myself before I can expect anyone to love and accept me!

This discipline session was very theraputic for me and all the feelings and emotions that I was holding inside of me even amazed me because I didn't think that I was holding things in until tonite. I discovered tonite that I really don't need the "hard" spankings I once thought I needed but what I do need is to be held accountable for minor and major misdeeds. I was spanked tonite but not abused, hurt, or beat and that is the difference that I was not really seeing before. I have alot of work ahead of me still but I feel that this was a major break through that I discovered and I am hoping to continue discovering things about myself that I didn't clearly see before!

Labels: Spanking Related

My thoughts are scattered today and I am not sure why. I am feeling pretty good today and I don't feel an ounce of stress and believe me my middle name is "stress". I was determined to have a good day and so far I have. I haven't let anything get me down and I feel really good about "ME" today and it's been a very long time where I have felt good about me. Life is funny sometimes but as far as I am concerned life is good today ....it might have not been good yesterday and it might not be good tomorrow but I am focusing on today and today it's very good :)

What are mixed emotions?
Why do we experience this?
Is it to confuse us, strengthen us, or conquer us?
Emotions that run deep are the hardest to understand!

Mixed emotions are something to ponder on and learn about.
Are you going to allow your mind wander into mixed emotions?
Or are you going to trust your heart this time!